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ADHD & Impulsiveness: A double-edged sword

One of the traits I admire and admonish in myself is my impulsiveness. Being impulsive has brought me far in life; I’ve managed to jump into volunteering events, join new groups, and buy things that I love. However, it also cost me a lot of money, relationships, and self-esteem.

Impulsiveness from the outside

Impulsiveness is the most common trait of adult ADHD. We’re always on the move, always looking for something new, always running, running, running. The people around us think we’re “brave,” “inspiring,” and even “eccentric,” not seeing this ADHD symptom as a concern.

But behind closed doors, this symptom is like a rollercoaster ride from Hell. The steep incline is when our impulsive natures knock down doors of opportunity. We find new people, start a new school, or get married, and at first, everything goes great. We enthusiastically jump into new projects and everyone is impressed with us. We climb higher, higher, higher, until we reach that pause, right before the drop. And as soon as we’re accustomed to whatever we found “new,” our downfall begins.

Impulsiveness within

Our lives take a steep decline. We forget important dates, get bored of our current situation, and constantly look for something better, shinier, new. We start to grow anxious as our impulsiveness gets us in trouble with the law, friends, and family. And then, we hit rock bottom.

For many with ADHD, our minds are like a rollercoaster ride that never ends. We never get off that ride and experience the world for what it is. We lack the skills that would make us successful in the real world, skills like consistency, reliability, and focus. Despite our potential, we fail to materialize what we’re capable of, making the people around us wonder if we’re taking life seriously.

We start to hate our rollercoaster minds, and move on to greener pastures. Meet new friends, drop out of school, or find a new lover. We run and run for more stimulation, more fun, more new starts. But our track records keep up with us. We start to worry if we’ll ever settle down and succeed in one project. Or keep a job for more than six months. Or get work done without waiting till the light minute.

We start to hate how our minds are programed to work during moments of distress. We hate how our lack of focus costs us job opportunities, friendships, and chances of love. Instead of seeing our ADHD as a small issue of a lack of dopamine in the brain, we see it as a curse. A curse of forever watching ourselves crash and burn, all because of our inability to focus on the here and now.

How to end the ride

When I reached a dark place in my life, feeling like I would never make it, I realized the only solution (for me) was to take medication. Whenever I need to get homework done or spend a few hours looking for jobs, I always pop a pill and get to work. It was also important to remember that there’s nothing productive about feeling guilty about taking taking medication to function. It’s not healthy, and most people who demonize medication for mental illnesses have never dealt with one. So if you’re that person, you can keep it moving.

Vision Board 2020: Goals That Will Come True

I’ve done a vision board for 2019 and most of my goals in it came true. Here’s a list of some the goals I put on my 2020 vision board that will also come true.

[Note: I didn’t put all my goals for privacy :)]

1. Clear skin

A goal of mine for years is to have clear skin. (Adult acne is a bummer.)

2. Multiple streams of income

I will become wealthy. I will have passive income, money that comes while I sleep. I’m doing different projects this year that will help me get started.

3. Money

On top of getting passive income, I want money to come out of nowhere. I want to have thousands of dollars in my bank account.

4. Glam makeup

By the end of the year, I want to have a flawless makeup routine, a go-to ritual that guarantees effortless beauty.

5. Wardrobe change

I love my hoodies, but I want to wear more feminine clothes. By the end of 2020, I will have a wardrobe filled with dresses, perfumes, and jewelry.

6. Travel

I will travel a lot this year — I’m going to Dubai, London, South Korea, Italy, and Florida.

7. High self-esteem

I deserve to see myself in a positive light. Starting this year, I will not degrade myself nor my dreams and goals.

8. Good posture

I’ve always struggled with posture. Although it’s improved a lot last year, I want to have my shoulders back and head held high by the end of this year.

9. Engaged/Married

I want to attract the right person to come into my life this year. I’m not obsessed over this goal — it would be nice if I found my future partner within the next few years.

10. A place of my own

I will be financially independent enough to move out of my parents’ house and have a place I can call my own.

Here are 10 goals that I’ve put in my vision board for this year that will come true.

What are some goals you put in your vision board? If you don’t have one, what are your New Year’s resolutions? Leave a comment below!

How to Be Respected By All Your Coworkers

As you get older, you learn that being liked doesn’t always mean respect. I used to want to be liked but now I don’t care about that.

Being disrespected is worse than being liked — if someone doesn’t respect you, they look down at you or secretly dislike you.

Here’s 5 ways to guarantee someone’s respect at work:

1. Respect their time

It doesn’t matter how charming you are as a person. You can make someone laugh till they pee, but if you come late to your shift, especially when you have to break someone, they’ll start to resent you, or even hate you.

Whether or not you meant to, coming late shows coworkers that you don’t respect them.

2. Respect yourself

People won’t respect you if you won’t respect yourself. Here are signs of self-respect:

  • Dress nicely and/or wear makeup
  • Come on time
  • Set boundaries with others
  • Not a pushover

3. Have a life outside of work

If your life revolves around work, coworkers won’t respect you. It’s important to show others that you have a life of your own.

It’s good to care about the people at your job and the company you work for, but having nothing else to talk about other than work is off-putting.

Make sure to continue your hobbies and have something to look forward to outside of the daily grind.

4. Don’t backbite/gossip about other coworkers.

Although some coworkers won’t like that you taking the high road, keeping your lips sealed of gossip will gain their respect.

Again, this post isn’t to show you how to make your workers like you. Maybe your coworkers love to gossip and hate that you refuse to. That doesn’t matter. In the long run, what matters is respect.

5. Help each other out

If a coworker broke their foot and really needs someone to cover a shift, be there for them. However, don’t be that coworker that covers everyone’s shifts but when they desperately need help, it’s crickets.

And…that’s it! Those five steps are all you need to ensure that you have your coworkers’ respect.

What are some things you do at work that guarantees respect at the workplace? Leave a comment below!

The 5 Laws That Will Change Your Life Forever | 48 Laws of Power

Last year, I read The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene and it completely changed the way I viewed myself and others.

I was tired of being a pushover and didn’t understand why I attracted this type of behavior. I learned that being respected is much more valuable than being liked. So, I started to look for books that covered self-respect and harnessing my power.

To give you a little snippet of this book and convince you to read it, here are 5 laws that have changed my life:

Law 39: Think as you like but behave like others

If you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways, people will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness.

Greene

I used to enthusiastically share my new ideas to friends and family. I thought that letting them know the new skills or ideas I discovered would excite them as much as it did for me.

But later on, I learned that a lot of people resented me for sharing financial advice or new ways to organize their room.

Instead of seeing what I did as a kind gesture, they thought I looked down at them. Although this hurt, I quickly learned to keep a lot of new discoveries to myself.

Instead of sharing ideas to people who won’t like them, find a community that’ll appreciate them.

Law 21: Play a sucker to catch a sucker — seem dumber than your mark

No one likes feeling stupider than the next person. The trick, then, is to make your victims feel smart — and not just smart, but smarter than you are. Once convinced of this, they will never suspect that you make have ulterior motives.

Greene

I’ve noticed that we as humans love to feel useful. We love to share things we know because it makes us feel useful.

When I started my job as a teacher of a daycare center, a lot of teachers reached out to share what they knew. Instead of saying, “I know that,” or “Thank you, but I can figure it out myself,” I listened to them and thanked them for their help.

Thanks to this, the teachers love my attitude and are more than happy to help me when I needed it.

Also, people respect you if you don’t advertise yourself as a know-it-all. When others know that you’re smart but never admit it, they’re more comfortable talking to you.

Law 1: Never outshine the master

Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite — inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.

Greene

Never, and I mean never, outshine your superiors. If anyone praises you for your skills, always refer them to the person who taught you.

Be comfortable not being the center of attention. Always let others who’ve paved your way have it. If not, the long-term effect is disastrous.

Law 4: Always say less than necessary

When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.

Greene

I used to think that to impress my friends, I had to talk a lot. I talked to fill awkward silences, shared all the funny stories I could think of, and even told a few white lies to enhance a story.

Soon, I learned that people spoke over me during conversations, ignored what I had to say, or worse, told me they heard my story before. Instead of gaining respect for saying too much, I was losing it.

But when I said less, people paid more attention, even if I didn’t have the best punchline.

Think about it. Why do we always think that those who say less are mysterious and cool? We always wonder what they’d have to say and always encourage them to speak. That’s because their air of mystery keeps us interested.

Law 34: Be royal in your own fashion: Act like a king to be treated like one

The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated. In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident in your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.

Greene

Growing up, I thought that dressing down and making deprecating jokes would make me more likable.

I never bought nice things for myself, such as jewelry or makeup. Never took care of my appearance or the things I owned.

As I got older, I learned that whether I liked it or not, people won’t respect me if I put no effort into my appearance.

Once I started wearing makeup every day, the way others saw me changed drastically. Many people complimented the way I looked and even told me they admired how I took care of myself every day.

Now, I don’t have to lift a finger to let others know I respect myself. All they have to do is see the way I present myself.

I would love to share so much more — I’m not doing the book justice.

If you’re struggling to take control of your life, I definitely recommend reading this book. Always re-read when you feel your power slipping.

What lesson did you learn that harnessed your power? Leave a comment below.

Why I Wear Makeup Everyday: The Advantages of Looking Good

I used to look down at all women that looked put-together. Yes, I was one of those “I’m not like other girls” that sneered at women that dressed up on days that didn’t warrant it.

But now, I wear makeup every day and never leave the house without looking presentable. I learned that looking polished has a lot more perks than feeling better about myself:

1. People respect you

This sounds messed up, but hear me out.

When you look your best, others think highly of you and assume you demand respect.

If you show up to an event with a worn-out hoodie and disheveled hair, the people around you will see your attire and assume you do not take yourself seriously.

As much as we try to deny this, we do judge a book by its cover. It doesn’t matter if the disheveled person at the event is the most charming person there. The first thing most people judge a person on, whether consciously or subconsciously, is their appearance.

2. Learn to treat yourself well 365 days in a year

Before, I used to wear makeup only 3 days a year, and those 3 days were stressful. I didn’t know how to wear the makeup I owned, and foundation felt weird on my face.

Looking good is hard work and needs practice. It took 2 years to finally know what type of dresses, makeup, and shoes work best for me. And the best part — now I expect the best for myself.

3. Never be self-conscious

I have a lot of acne scars and dark circles under my eyes, so whenever I’m in public without makeup, I become anxious. Instead of focusing on the person I’m talking to, I wonder if they notice my scars or the sweat on my forehead.

But when I wear makeup, all of those pesky worries go away. I know that these blemishes are concealed, so I can enjoy the event I’m at to the fullest.

4. Take photos anywhere you go

When my makeup is always flawless, I take photos at a coffee shop, at home, or even in my car.

I never worry or put my phone away when I want to take a picture of myself — being camera-ready is always a confidence-booster.

5. Never back out of a get-together

Whenever friends call me last-minute to go out or come to an event, I almost always say yes. Since my makeup, clothes, and shoes are already good, I don’t have to drive home just to spend 2+ hours getting ready.

6. Motivation to get out of the house

If you’re a homebody like me, it takes a lot to convince me to get out of the house.

However, when my makeup’s done, I almost feel guilty that I have nowhere to go, and start making plans.

This is a short one, but I wanted to share the importance of looking good and how it changed the way I see my days.

Why I Use Instagram Again

Okay, my previous post about how evil Instagram is did not age well. However, instead of deleting it and pretending it never existed, I wanted to write this post on why I use Instagram again and the benefits it has for me.

Although all my previous points still stand, here are 3 reasons why I returned to this platform:

1. I almost missed my friend’s bridal shower and wedding

It was a miracle one friend reached out to ask if I knew that another was having a bridal shower in a few days.

I freaked out. Had it not been for that friend who texted me, I would’ve never known.

This moment was a wake-up call. Whether or not I use the app, I need to use Instagram again to make sure I’m in the loop of my friends’ important days.

2. It’s another way to build an audience

In my previous post bashing Instagram, I never mentioned the benefit of having followers. Because I never took blogging seriously, I never saw my followers as possible subscribers to my blog.

It never occurred to me that some of my followers would like my posts and share them.

So now, I don’t see Instagram as personal platform, but more of a business one. This viewpoint keeps me emotionally distant from the app to where I stop obsessing over likes or views on my stories.

3. It’s a dating profile

Before you start giggling, hear me out.

Your Instagram page is a dating profile.

If you’re a homebody like me, it’s important to put yourself out there so guys know you exist. With your Instagram profile, you won’t have to glam yourself up constantly or go to every wedding, party, or get-together known to Man.

Just post a few cute photos of yourself, and viola! Now you can sit back and never have to worry about “putting yourself out there”ever again.

I know these three reasons are far less as to why I stopped using the platform in the first place, but honestly, these reasons are enough for me to return.

Do you use Instagram or Facebook? If so, what are the benefits that keep you on the platform. If not, what turned you away?

Leave a comment below!

5 Lessons I Learned About Blogging.

I’ve been an on-and-off blogger for about 5 years. And in those 5 years, I’ve struggled with consistency, confidence, and finding a niche.

But with all the setbacks, there were 5 lessons I learned over the years that have made this platform much easier to use.

If you want to learn how to write content every day without the burnout, keep reading.

1. You’re a writer, not a photographer.

If you’re a blogger that intends to write, do not waste your time trying to take aesthetically-pleasing pictures. You started your website to write, not to take pictures.

When I first started blogging, I wasted so much time taking pictures around the house and getting extremely frustrated with myself. I wasted so much time that I could’ve spent writing more posts!

Just go to this website here for free, high-quality photos. You can thank me later.

2. Don’t obsess over grammar

A lot of blog posts that I read on the internet don’t have perfect grammar. Many times I catch one or two typos or repeating sentences. But did that stop me from reading their post? Absolutely not.

So, why is that we’re so critical of our own work, to the point where we’d lock away dozens of posts because they weren’t edited for the tenth time?

Remember that 95% of readers could care less about the small mistakes they find in your post, as long as it’s easy to read.

3. Write multiple posts at once and publish them separately

I never understood how some bloggers would post daily. I would write up to 10 posts in one sitting and publish them all at once, because after all, my readers need content!

But as the years went by, I learned that spacing out my content not only builds trust, but readers will have something to look forward to throughout the week.

There were some bloggers who came out and shared that this was their secret to remaining consistent with their blog!

4. You learn as you go

I’m not that good of letting go of control. That’s why it was so hard to remain consistent with my blog. I didn’t know what my niche was, so I refused to write content until I knew.

But all this did was postpone the inevitable. The only way I’ll know what my niche is is by doing. I needed to sit down and write out content until the “aha!” moment arrives.

A lot of bloggers urge their readers to find a niche and stick with it, but honestly, this advice hindered me so much that I was too afraid to write.

If this is you, I give you permission to flesh out your ideas. Post all the content you love and pay attention. Do you see a pattern in the topics you cover? Well, there’s your niche!

5. Consistency matters more than your content

Readers come back to your blog for a number of reasons. But the main one is consistency.

If you’re a consistent blogger, readers will trust you enough to keep coming.

Keep a schedule and stick to it. If you’re not able to post everyday, post twice a week. Not just your readers, but Google itself will notice your grind and may boost your blog’s optimization.

Well, that’s it folks! These are the 5 lessons I’ve learned about blogging after 5 years.

What lessons have you learned about blogging over time, and what lessons did someone show you that saved you valuable time?

Leave a comment below!

3 Steps to Take to Relieve Anxiety

As someone who deals with anxiety disorder, when a bout of exhaustion and worry washes over me, it’s hard to come out of the funk. Sometimes the symptoms keeps me from achieving my goals or even living my life.

Luckily for you, I’ve learned ways to deal with my anxiety. By doing these three steps, my symptoms lessen or go away completely:

1. Listen to positive affirmations

When my thoughts become more negative throughout the week, I whip out my playlist of positive affirmations I saved on YouTube.

A lot of times, our anxiety takes over our thoughts, making us believe that all our efforts we put into our life are in vain. Instead of letting these thoughts conquer you, listen to some affirmations to fight it off.

Not only will listening to affirmations help with your anxiety, you’ll start to go about your day in a better mood.

2. Exercise/Yoga

My anxiety gets worse when I don’t exercise. It takes no more than 10 minutes to do yoga, but the results are definitely worth it.

I know that many experts stress the importance of exercise to the point it gets exhausting to hear, but I promise that yoga doesn’t take too much energy and will make you feel much better afterwards.

3. Socialize

This step will probably make you fume with rage, but hear me out.

A lot of people nowadays suffer with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). And our phones have everything to do with it.

Social media and our iPhones make it easier to stay at home instead of going out and interacting with others.

We as humans learn from our environment. Without practice, we start to lose our ability to socialize. There are countless videos you can find of people who have been isolated from civilization who struggle to communicate, and there’s a reason for it.

Go out and talk to the barista as you get coffee. Go to Marshalls and shop for clothes. If you have someone to go with, all the better.

Out of all the steps, this one is the most important because of how isolation impacts anxiety. If we don’t take some time out of our day to interact with others, we worsen our anxiety.

Bonus step: Focus on your hobbies

If there’s something that keeps your brain occupied for at least an hour, do it! For me, it’s writing.

If you don’t have a hobby to distract yourself with, another tip is to find a TV show to watch. Game of Thrones (before the 8th season) was one way I dealt with my anxiety, surprisingly enough. This show sucked me in so good that I’d go hours without thinking.

Okay guys, these are my 3 tips on how to relieve anxiety. I hope these tips were helpful for you.

What are steps you take to relieve your anxiety. And, which steps were you told to do by others that didn’t help so much?

Leave a comment below!